Killer Cereal

I haven't been doing a lot of cooking at home lately and I can't eat out all the time, but I wanted to share with you one of my favorite lunches. I'm not a morning person, so I'm seldom ready to eat breakfast on the weekends.

Cheerios is simply one of the best meals, particularly if it's late enough such that you don't want to spoil your appetite for dinner. Cheerios was probably the primary cereal that I grew up with, because I thankfully was not allowed to eat multi-colored sugar in the guise of breakfast pellets. I only needed to taste a sample of Lucky Charms that came in the mail one day to know that I was being raised properly. Some of you may have finally begun to understand my twinkieless existence by now.

Ordinary Cheerios, of course, does not have sugar added. It is, therefore, very important to add it and add it correctly. You must have a spoon in your hand, ready for very moment that the milk comes in contact with your cereal. You must have the sugar, preferably an entire canister, waiting nearby. You pour the milk all over the cereal and quickly put it down, hopefully without knocking it over, but just ignore it if you do. Then you put one good spoonful of sugar over the cereal. The order is crucial here, because the sugar will stick to the cereal if it's wet and will just bounce off otherwise. The very second you finish applying the sugar, you must eat it as fast as you possibly can, because soggy cereal is gross. Don't even think about reading a book while you're eating.

I devised this method of eating Cheerios when I was about four years old, I think, and I hope you like it. Drinking the sugar and milk mixture afterwards is optional, but certainly not something I would have done as a child. I wouldn't have had a cup of coffee with it either, but I'm sure I would have liked one.